Ray & Cheryl's wedding

The following communication regarding Rachel & Cheryl's wedding got so many laughs thought I'd share them with those not fortuneate enough to have been invited to the wedding.  (Sorry, it was a "small" wedding, I'm not trying to rub it in that you weren't invited.  ;)  )

From:  Michelle
Re: Ray & Cheryl's Wedding...

Hey Gang~
Our poor Ray-Ray is a wreck, so I thought I'd clarify.
1. We all have been invited to Ray & Cheryl's wedding reception, not the wedding. The wedding is being held in a highly secret location with the 2 of them, their JP, and each has a witness. I have assured them that I will not be lurking in the bushes with my camera, so there will be no ofoto album mocking their intimate ceremony, nor will I divulge the location of said ceremony to prevent others from doing the same.
2. The reception: This is NOT, repeat NOT your typical lesbian potluck/BBQ. Ray-Ray, as much as she loves it, will NOT be standing behind the grill wowwing us with her skills. This IS a catered affair, complete with a tent, rented chairs and a caterer. It is casual, but not THAT casual. Sue is making me wear my fancy shorts if it is scortchingly hot. And I was thinking my black camisole w/spaghetti strings and white linen shirt, ironed. Cut offs and tanks will be pooh poohed.
3. As it is not a potluck and is a catered affair, we should resist our lesbian/bi women inclinations to bring food. They've shelled out a pretty penny to make sure everyone can enjoy the day and not worry about whether our salads have enough or too much dressing, etc. There will also be a bar present, so no, we don't need to bring a bottle.
4. There will be a dj... so we can make fools of ourselves. Maybe even Karen Blake herself, but we won't know until we get there.
The reason I'm sending this is Cheryl's received inquiries & Ray's a nervous wreck. I'm trying to preserve the state of the union so that it makes it to the union part peacefully and comfortably. We gotta cover our girlie's backs.
Ray & Cheryl, if I have any info wrong, feel free to chip in, but I hope I have you covered.
~m

 
From:  Marion

just so you know.....
1. i WILL be lurking in the bushes along with the folks from People magazine, the national enquirer, star and E television- all of whom i have notified. the paparazzi will be there en masse. hey - even streisand and that guy from marcus welby couldn't avoid it. and ANOTHER thing - the folks at glad have worked long and hard to ensure that i will actually, at long last --- weep at a wedding ceremony and NOT because my panty hose is riding up. which brings me to another point:

2. since acknowledging my lesbianism, i have realized that i don't HAVE to wear panty hose anymore, so i WILL wear naked legs, birkenstocks and an old indigo girls concert t-shirt to this lesbian wedding. still not sure about a bra. i'll let you know later.

3. i have EVERY intention of bringing a bowl of hummus and a pot of vegan chili.

4. there is no need for a d.j., as i will bring my guitar so that we can all sing old holly near and chris williamson songs with a little kumbaya thrown in for good measure.

looking forward to a fine afternoon.
marion
p.s. bring your frisbees.


From:  Pat

Michelle,
Is this a joke? If not the guest list must be a DIVERSE LuLu of the washed, the unwashed and the uncertain. I wonder which category I'm in? All I can say is that I have only been a spectacle at one wedding reception (not wedding.) That was at my nephew's wedding (conservative nephew, conservative in-laws), where I danced with Martha while wearing a very nice (read expensive) suit and tie (Martha picked them out.) So to all of the "couth" and uncouth, beware, I may shock the assemblage with one of my radical queer costumes - not to mention a pot of my black beans.

Looking forward to the parade of fashionable frocks, skin revealing tops, Hawaiian shirts, Bermuda shorts, peddle pushers (oh! I mean Capris), linen suits, and other fine attire featured in the new magazine, Queer Women Dress-up In Style.
Pat


From:  Michelle

Ha! No, it was no joke. Poor Ray sounded near heart-attack with both Sue and me separately yesterday!

I'm sure you looked spiffy in your suit and tie, and I would expect nothing less of you than to cut the rug with Martha! And I would eat anything you offered.

Now.... where do I get a subscription to said magazine? Sounds like a
MUST HAVE.
~m

Surviving the Evil Uncle Wayne @ the FFMPBF

This has been excerpted and (heavily) edited from an email I sent a fine pal.  (Hope you don't mind, but it summed it up so well....)

We survived potato land.  Phew.  Yes, I took many a photo, but they, to me... well, just aren’t as fun as last year's.  (Did you see those?)  The most obvious reason was that there was a problem getting the insurance certificate for the Mashed Potato Wrestling, so there was none this year.   I felt so gypped!  Uh!  I drove 11 hours and there was no Mashed Potato Wrestling!   Ug!  What made up for the lack of spud wrasslin' for Sue was having our pic taken with the newly crowned Miss Budada Head, I mean the new Maine Potato Blossom Queen.  

(She's a fabulous kid, I'm sure she'll go far!  A rising star in the Maine Democratic Party, if you ask me.)

(About marriage activism:)
The best part is what I did while we were potatoing.  At the parade, my Dad & my Uncle Bob put their pickups tailgate to tailgate to make a mini reviewing stand for a small, small percentage of my family to sit in.   Dad held a "NO DISCRIMINATION IN THE COSTITUTION – MassEquality" sign that I had in the truck while Sue, Nikki and I held aloft BRIGHT YELLOW posterboards I’d taken a black marker to.  Mine said, "Sens. Snowe & Collins..." Sue’s read, "Thank you!" and Nik’s said, "No FMA!"   Snowe & Collins are both republicans and voted with us!  Mom & Dad had called them a long time ago, when the Mass ConCon was happening, and received postive comments from them.  Not that they favor same-sex marriage, but they believe the amendment is unnecessary and dangerous.  

I'll send them a letter w/the photo later to clear it up if they didn't know what the "FMA" was, but I'm sure she (Snowe... I think Collins was a no-show for the 1st time) knew.   Dad's sign should have been a clue, too.  It was obvious that we were there, and queer and supported by a huge chunk of family. 

Actually, I forgot to put my sign down, so the repubs kept pestering us, thinking my blue collar family was "one of them."  Before I finally figured out I needed to put my sign down, the Bush people came over and were trying to give us stuff; they were loving us.   So then Nik & Sue pretty much jumped ‘em, and we were all yelling something about if he won’t support our right to marry, no way jose.  Of course, he’d have to have a whole brain transplant... er... donation before I’d ever vote for him.  Transplant implies he had one before, right?   All of this to the great discomfort of the "Evil Uncle Wayne who I don’t care if I ever see alive again....."

The Evil Uncle Wayne... man... has he mellowed!  A year and a half ago, he had a heart attack and found god.  Sue was talking to him about it, I guess he’s Baptist now.  Before we got home I told Sue we could play 2 games.  We could wait to see how long it took him to say "the 'N' word" (not to be confused with the 'L Word' which is a good thing and I would LOVE to see more than the original episode) or how many times he said it during the wkend.   Can you believe he didn’t use it at all?!!!  I was **SO** shocked.  Someone at his new church must have told him it wasn’t becoming of a Christian.  The most racist comment out of him all wkend was calling Nomar Garciaparra Nomar Garciapiano.   And he told one misogynist story, but... small steps.  I think he’s working hard on love the sinner thing.  He kept the proselytizing to a minimum.  I did find out in talking with his wife Iva that they’re into the "Left Behind" books.  I happened to catch 60 Mins one night this winter, so I knew what it was.  Freakin’ scary shit, man.  Let’s see if I can sum it up quickly and right:   The authors were sick of all these depictions of Jesus as a kind and forgiving man, and I think they even went so far as to imply that that perception made Jesus look pretty pansy-like.  (Maybe not the exact words, but definately the implication.)  They wanted to see the Jesus of anger and retribution.  Jesus as Terminator.   Terminating... you know... us.  Homos and baby killers and feminazis and people who think for themselves.  The Evil Uncle Wayne and Iva have been sharing the books with my aunt Alyce and Dad, but they just think it’s just interesting fiction.  No worries on flipping either of them... I’m lucky that they love me to much to... get brainwashed.   (Hope this doesn't sound like me proselytizing... I'm not.  I'm agnostic/atheist, and Sue keeps letting it slip to people I'm related to and getting me in trouble!  Sue's still... well, al la carte catholic or something.  UU-ish.)

Now Sue... Sue had an intesting take on Iva.  Iva, who married Wayne and who I think is just the lovely.  And Sue, who I think of as the most gulliable.  She’d think the big bad wolf in little red riding hood’s clothes was a nice guy if he was nice to her.   She has always seemed to me to be lacking her suspicion bone and doesn’t get good gut reactions (in my humble opinion, and that's not a bad thing, she looks for the good in everyone).  I think I have a damned good gut reactions ... GLAD utilized this in interviewing prospective employees a lot.  ;)   But Sue didn’t really care for Iva either.  I really found that surprising!  She said Iva really didn’t make any attempt to talk to or get to know her at all.  It may have been that there were just too many damned Redikers around, but I’ll have to ask Nik what her new bfriend Steve thought... if Iva reached out to him at all.   Interesting.

Of course... another part of this has been my perception since my early teens of how Wayne views women.  For instance, his son... walks on water.  His daughter... he could take her or leave her.  I'm so GLAD this man is NOT my father!  Don't know.  Will have to see how much they were interested in Steve... as it was the 1st time for both Steve & Sue to meet the Texans.  Make sense??

Off for the night!