Ray & Cheryl's wedding

The following communication regarding Rachel & Cheryl's wedding got so many laughs thought I'd share them with those not fortuneate enough to have been invited to the wedding.  (Sorry, it was a "small" wedding, I'm not trying to rub it in that you weren't invited.  ;)  )

From:  Michelle
Re: Ray & Cheryl's Wedding...

Hey Gang~
Our poor Ray-Ray is a wreck, so I thought I'd clarify.
1. We all have been invited to Ray & Cheryl's wedding reception, not the wedding. The wedding is being held in a highly secret location with the 2 of them, their JP, and each has a witness. I have assured them that I will not be lurking in the bushes with my camera, so there will be no ofoto album mocking their intimate ceremony, nor will I divulge the location of said ceremony to prevent others from doing the same.
2. The reception: This is NOT, repeat NOT your typical lesbian potluck/BBQ. Ray-Ray, as much as she loves it, will NOT be standing behind the grill wowwing us with her skills. This IS a catered affair, complete with a tent, rented chairs and a caterer. It is casual, but not THAT casual. Sue is making me wear my fancy shorts if it is scortchingly hot. And I was thinking my black camisole w/spaghetti strings and white linen shirt, ironed. Cut offs and tanks will be pooh poohed.
3. As it is not a potluck and is a catered affair, we should resist our lesbian/bi women inclinations to bring food. They've shelled out a pretty penny to make sure everyone can enjoy the day and not worry about whether our salads have enough or too much dressing, etc. There will also be a bar present, so no, we don't need to bring a bottle.
4. There will be a dj... so we can make fools of ourselves. Maybe even Karen Blake herself, but we won't know until we get there.
The reason I'm sending this is Cheryl's received inquiries & Ray's a nervous wreck. I'm trying to preserve the state of the union so that it makes it to the union part peacefully and comfortably. We gotta cover our girlie's backs.
Ray & Cheryl, if I have any info wrong, feel free to chip in, but I hope I have you covered.
~m

 
From:  Marion

just so you know.....
1. i WILL be lurking in the bushes along with the folks from People magazine, the national enquirer, star and E television- all of whom i have notified. the paparazzi will be there en masse. hey - even streisand and that guy from marcus welby couldn't avoid it. and ANOTHER thing - the folks at glad have worked long and hard to ensure that i will actually, at long last --- weep at a wedding ceremony and NOT because my panty hose is riding up. which brings me to another point:

2. since acknowledging my lesbianism, i have realized that i don't HAVE to wear panty hose anymore, so i WILL wear naked legs, birkenstocks and an old indigo girls concert t-shirt to this lesbian wedding. still not sure about a bra. i'll let you know later.

3. i have EVERY intention of bringing a bowl of hummus and a pot of vegan chili.

4. there is no need for a d.j., as i will bring my guitar so that we can all sing old holly near and chris williamson songs with a little kumbaya thrown in for good measure.

looking forward to a fine afternoon.
marion
p.s. bring your frisbees.


From:  Pat

Michelle,
Is this a joke? If not the guest list must be a DIVERSE LuLu of the washed, the unwashed and the uncertain. I wonder which category I'm in? All I can say is that I have only been a spectacle at one wedding reception (not wedding.) That was at my nephew's wedding (conservative nephew, conservative in-laws), where I danced with Martha while wearing a very nice (read expensive) suit and tie (Martha picked them out.) So to all of the "couth" and uncouth, beware, I may shock the assemblage with one of my radical queer costumes - not to mention a pot of my black beans.

Looking forward to the parade of fashionable frocks, skin revealing tops, Hawaiian shirts, Bermuda shorts, peddle pushers (oh! I mean Capris), linen suits, and other fine attire featured in the new magazine, Queer Women Dress-up In Style.
Pat


From:  Michelle

Ha! No, it was no joke. Poor Ray sounded near heart-attack with both Sue and me separately yesterday!

I'm sure you looked spiffy in your suit and tie, and I would expect nothing less of you than to cut the rug with Martha! And I would eat anything you offered.

Now.... where do I get a subscription to said magazine? Sounds like a
MUST HAVE.
~m