Was a hard wkend. Joe continues to decline. It's amazing to see someone can actually live at this level of deterioration. We thought for SURE he certainly would have to die this week, but Sue just called, and the hospice nurse thinks he *might* make it to the beginning of next week! No way! It's... freakin' amazing! Yet awful. How could he??!
He still wanted to move from him bed to his recliner both days. They had gotten a wheelchair from Hospice, but, surprise, surprise, we discovered it can't do the turn from the bedroom to the hall. It seemed like it would be much more work to wheel him to the door, stand him up and around the corner, then sit him back down. Down is hard, too, 'cause he resists. I think he thinks he's falling. Then we'd just have a short distance down the to end of the hall to do the whole up & down process again. We chose to "walk" him, instead, down the hall to the living room, to the loo, or back to bed. We were carrying him, in reality. His hands were on my shoulders, like we were dancing, and I was holding him up under his pits (THANK GOD FOR MY WORKOUT CLASSES AT WORK! I needed my upper body & thighs a lot! It was a WORKOUT walking him and holding him up.... )
After last night, though, I REALLY didn't think he'd be getting back up. He didn't have the power to suck water thru a straw! We were droppering it in his mouth. We did try a much shorter straw and that worked briefly, but still, that even was getting too hard. We were so certain he'd pass this week. Jeez, we really wish he would! Both Sue & Bev have visited their Mom's grave to tell her to come get him, and had conversations with him saying it's ok for him to go now. It's so hard for them to watch.
I'm doing ok. I think having seen what my Gram went thru with Altzheimer's, then my Uncle Phil, and my friend Michael when he was dying of AIDS, combined with what I see at work everyday, I'm not... shocked by how much he's deteriorated. I just feel like... I can deal with it. I can do it. I just want to help him, and them, to make it as easy as possible all the way around. I only get emotional when THEY get emotional. Otherwise, with him, I'm just... caregiving... taking care of him, being natural. Does that make sense?? I'm ok "witnessing" and helping Joe with his "process."
I was SOOO happy the weather was so glorious this wkend! I was outside every moment I could. For most of the time, I felt like a grounded 10 year old. I couldn't leave the back yard. ;) I occupied my time by shooting hoops. Now that was a hoot. I was surprised to find I may actually be a better shot now than I was in high school. Perhaps it's because my body has stopped growning and I'm SLIGHTLY more graceful and have a wee bit more control over it than I did then. But then again... At least Mrs. Peters wasn't there telling everyone that I trip over the lines painted on the floor. After I grew tired of basketball, I practiced juggling for about an hour. That was fun, but I don't feel I've improved. I'm sure there will be more time this weekend.
Sue & I took an hour long + walk yesterday and it was HOT, sunny & very nice.
Sue cooked up a storm all weekend. It's how she relaxes; it soothes her and fulfills her need to keep busy. That's not out of character for her. We ate some fabulous food as you would imagine. My fav was the creole bread pudding with bananas. Hot, bready, bananas, a nip or 2 of burbon for flavor and TONS OF CARAMEL SAUCE. I got Haagen Daz light dulce de leche to go on top. OOOOOH! OOOOOOOOOH.... I did the "rolling your eyes" with a deep moan added on, in front of the very scary catholic aunties. THAT was very embarrassing. A very private moment. It was also a little frightening~ I thought a ruler would be snapped in my direction & I'd be sent to confession immediately! Those moments should be reserved for only your loved one to see.
That's where we're at. That's us right now.
