Saying Goodbye

Tonight I said goodbye to Joe, hopefully for the last time.

I went into his bedroom, and stood in the dark beside his hospital bed. I picked up his cold hand and held it in one of mine while I stroked it with my other.

The last time I said goodbye, I made the mistake of saying, "See you later." Then, I stressed about it the whole way home and for several days afterward. I wanted him to feel free to die. I didn't want him to think he had to wait for me to come back before he could slip away.

He continued to snore while I held his hand.

"Joe, it's Michelle. I'm leaving now. But before I say goodbye, I want you to know that it's been an honor for me to help take care of you; that you and the family trusted me enough to let me participate in caring for you. I have so much respect for you and your family. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of it, and for taking me in. I love you. I'll back in a few days to take care of your girls... when you're gone. It's ok to go. Goodbye, Joe."